How to Fall in Love

Are you having troubles falling in love? One of the first steps to falling in love with another person is to love yourself. You also need to know what you are looking for and how to put yourself out there. When you do fall in love, you must realize that not everyone will be compatible or return your feelings. This wikiHow will guide you through the entire process of falling in love, starting from the most important person: you.

Part One of Three:
Finding the Right Person

1
Boost your self-esteem. To fall in love and find the right person you must first have confidence and love invested in yourself. People with self-confidence tend to have happier and longer lasting relationships than those who don't. It might seem hard to suddenly start loving yourself, but it's an important component of a strong relationship.
- "Fake it 'til you make it" is a phrase often thrown around when talking about building self-confidence and esteem, but it's a technique that really works! Stand upright with your back straight and take up space. Even simply standing in a power position can build your confidence. Fake confidence a little every day, as practice, and you'll find it becoming easier and easier.^[1]
- Be kind to yourself. The things you think and say about yourself are probably a whole lot meaner (and untrue) than things you'd say about your worst enemy. Every single person is imperfect, so be kind to yourself about your own imperfections. When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, replace the thought with a positive one.^[2] For example: if you start thinking "My nose is too big," change that thought to "My nose has served me really well over the years and makes it so I can smell and taste all the great things."
- Don't compare yourself to other people.^[3] There is always going to be someone who is more attractive, more successful, or smarter than you. Focus instead on celebrating your accomplishments and honoring the accomplishments of others, without comparing yourself to them.
2
Consider why you want to fall in love. There's no right answer for why you want to fall in love, but there are some reasons that indicate you need to work on yourself before you're ready to fall in love. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a loving relationship, but basing your self worth on the success of such a relationship will place too much pressure on the other person and the relationship itself.
- A few reasons to wait before getting involved in a relationship are:^[4] you are feeling lonely or think you need your self-esteem bolstered by someone else, all your friends are in relationships, or you believe you need to have a relationship to be happy. These are all symptoms of deeper problems that won't be cured by entering into a relationship.
3
Consider what you are looking for. No, don't make a list of exact specifications detailing the hair color, job, schooling level, and personality of your potential significant other. It is not helpful to create an "ideal" partner that doesn't exist in reality. However, you should acknowledge the basics of what you're looking for.
- For example: in terms of personality, perhaps you're looking for someone who has a good sense of humor and can laugh at themselves, or you're looking for someone who is kind and cares about people.
- You should also list what you absolutely don't want. For example: perhaps there's a certain political affiliation that doesn't work for you; or you don't want someone who has to travel a lot for his or her job, so he or she is rarely around.
- You can always revise this list, as you meet different people, but it's a good idea to know the kind of values and traits you're looking for from a potential partner. It'll make it easier to weed out the people with whom you can't build a lasting romantic relationship.
4
Meet people. Of course, to be able to find someone with whom to fall in love, you're going to need to go out and meet people. This doesn't mean you have to be a big party animal, or that you have to do things that you're not entirely comfortable with, but it's a good idea to at least try to get out of your comfort zone a little bit.^[5]
- Do things that you enjoy and meet people that way. For example: if you're into reading and writing, join a book club or writing group. If you're really into rock climbing, go to a climbing gym in your neighborhood.
- Be out and about. Go to a coffee shop or bookstore (or museum/library, etc) and hang out there as a weekly excursion. Who knows who you'll meet?
5
Open yourself to new possibilities. Doing things that you might not normally do can help create a sense of excitement for you, as well as take you outside your comfort zone to meet different kinds of people.
- Doing something exhilarating, like participating in a political demonstration, performance art, or something like sky-diving can help foster relationships, perhaps because you begin to associate the excitement of the event with the group of people. So get out there and do something exciting with a group of people and see what love blossoms.
- You don't have to do something dangerous. You could do something as simple as take a free class on cooking or car maintenance. Not only will you be out of your comfort zone, you'll learn a new skill, so even if you don't find that special someone you'll be getting something important out of the activity.
6
Give things time.^[6] Even if you've been going to parties and your friends have been introducing you to plenty of fun, attractive people, you should still expect the process to take some time. Be patient. It can take years to find the right person. Along the way, you may find people that you think are right for you, but turn out not to be. Use these opportunities as learning experiences. Eventually, you'll get a sense for the kind of person you're looking for.
- Be friendly and open to people you meet. Even if you don't fall in love the first time you meet someone, you may eventually find yourself developing an attraction to him. This can happen even with people you wouldn't normally have been that interested in at first. It can be a sign that a person has depth and substance.
- Remember, opposites may attract. Let things unfold for a little while when you meet someone new. Long-lasting relationships can be forged from two personalities that initially clash.